I honestly love being home alone. The sheer silence. Being able to do whatever I want, undisturbed, only talking to the people I want to talk to via internet and cell phone. I love it. I just wish I had those opportunities more often. Or at least a lap top so I could lock myself in a room.
I want to begin taking Sabbath observance more seriously. I want to become more hardcore. Not to the point where I wont cook or bathe on Sabbath, but I need to change some things. I don't really like going out to eat on Sabbath just because we're supporting other people working. . . I should probably stop, but it's just really relaxing to go out to eat with friends after church and not have to worry about cooking/scavenging food and cleaning up afterward. I'm not exactly sure where I'll go with that. I also want to stop doing such secular things on the Sabbath. It's supposed to be a day for me to commune with God and other believers(says Aunty Ellen). Instead, you often find me at the computer watching House/NCIS or sleeping. I think I'm going to try to go to bed earlier Friday nights and be awake all day Sabbath, just rockin' out to Jesus music, thinking, praying, and talking to a few friends. I was reading an old Facebook note that was pretty much a survey for my friends about me. One of the questions is what they would give me if they could. Thank kind of makes me think, God's gift to me was Sabbath. I honestly don't know what I would do without the Sabbath. Even how I observe the Sabbath at this point in time, it's relaxing, a good cool down from the week. No homework, no studying. Just chill. In Jedish's words, "It's Sabbath, everything's good now".
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
It Ends Tonight.
Work sucked today, who woulda thunk it? It wasn't boring, it's just I was dead tired and I'm not exactly sure why. I didn't stay up till obscene hours of the night as usual, nor did I load up on sugar and/or caffeine the day before, I was merely exhausted. I got to do secretary work today; it's so much better than helping in the Blue room! I felt bad for ditching Bob though, I think he wanted to talk to me. The Fall was a bit depressing. We pretty much failed at announcements, but oh well, beginner's (un)luck(iness). Our video for Craig backfired, I was pretty bummed about that. I'm really going to miss Craig, but we have to move on.
His last advice to me was to think about being a pastor when I grow up. It's really strange. . . I never really considered it. I mean, I love helping with church stuff, listening to people's problems and trying to help, and helping others with self improvement, but pastor? I can't wrap my mind about that. I don't feel spiritually strong enough to guide the spiritual lives of others. I always thought I'd grow up to be a pediatrician, until a few Biology tests into the year that is. Now I'm not really sure if Biology isn't my thing, or if Gonzalez was just not for me. I know she was a good teacher, well at least the whole showing-us-how-this-can-be-applied-in-real-life" aspect but how she explains things just doesn't click for me. And to go into medicine, science and math is important right? Guess what. I'm a math failure. So the medical field is a very fuzzy picture. So option number two? It seems more logical to frame my career around my strengths than to pick a career and hope that I'm talented in that field. So what am I good at? Well, honestly, I'm not even quite sure about that myself. I've found that I typically enjoy my English classes (assuming that I have a competent teacher *cough cough*), so what about something in the English field? What professions work well with an English major? Journalism, writing, law, and obviously teaching English. Well journalism is a tough cookie to get into, and I'm no Sam Sukaton. Next. Writing--I would love to write for a living, but unfortunately unless I can pull a J.K. Rowling it doesn't have a very steady flow of income. Pass for now. Law--I really don't feel like going into law would be my thing. I don't know if I could handle the stress. I might try Mock Trail senior year though, assuming it doesn't crash and burn next year without Mr. Lang. Pass for now. Teaching English--I'm not sure if I would have enough patience for that. Merely imagining being an English teacher. . .I would hate, hate, HATE high school students. Who knows about college level teaching. So I suppose I could try teaching and write on the side, but I don't feel like I would enjoy it as much as pediatrics. Who knows what I'll be when I grow up.
So back to the fall--
This is just a little bulletin I put up on Myspace, but I wanted to save it here on my blog. I just figured it would be a good inspiration for when The Fall days get rainy.
It's too late to fight, it ends tonight.
Let's hope the All-American Rejects are wrong.
Darkness has to turn to light, in a good way.
Everybody, please pray for The Fall.
Craig has done an amazing job, but now it's our turn to become hardcore.
There will be a lot of slack left to pick up, but we can do it.
We have to, lest campus spiritual life return to what it was before. Nonexistent.
So come on, jump a little louder.
Come on, clap a little louder.
His last advice to me was to think about being a pastor when I grow up. It's really strange. . . I never really considered it. I mean, I love helping with church stuff, listening to people's problems and trying to help, and helping others with self improvement, but pastor? I can't wrap my mind about that. I don't feel spiritually strong enough to guide the spiritual lives of others. I always thought I'd grow up to be a pediatrician, until a few Biology tests into the year that is. Now I'm not really sure if Biology isn't my thing, or if Gonzalez was just not for me. I know she was a good teacher, well at least the whole showing-us-how-this-can-be-applied-in-real-life" aspect but how she explains things just doesn't click for me. And to go into medicine, science and math is important right? Guess what. I'm a math failure. So the medical field is a very fuzzy picture. So option number two? It seems more logical to frame my career around my strengths than to pick a career and hope that I'm talented in that field. So what am I good at? Well, honestly, I'm not even quite sure about that myself. I've found that I typically enjoy my English classes (assuming that I have a competent teacher *cough cough*), so what about something in the English field? What professions work well with an English major? Journalism, writing, law, and obviously teaching English. Well journalism is a tough cookie to get into, and I'm no Sam Sukaton. Next. Writing--I would love to write for a living, but unfortunately unless I can pull a J.K. Rowling it doesn't have a very steady flow of income. Pass for now. Law--I really don't feel like going into law would be my thing. I don't know if I could handle the stress. I might try Mock Trail senior year though, assuming it doesn't crash and burn next year without Mr. Lang. Pass for now. Teaching English--I'm not sure if I would have enough patience for that. Merely imagining being an English teacher. . .I would hate, hate, HATE high school students. Who knows about college level teaching. So I suppose I could try teaching and write on the side, but I don't feel like I would enjoy it as much as pediatrics. Who knows what I'll be when I grow up.
So back to the fall--
This is just a little bulletin I put up on Myspace, but I wanted to save it here on my blog. I just figured it would be a good inspiration for when The Fall days get rainy.
It's too late to fight, it ends tonight.
Let's hope the All-American Rejects are wrong.
Darkness has to turn to light, in a good way.
Everybody, please pray for The Fall.
Craig has done an amazing job, but now it's our turn to become hardcore.
There will be a lot of slack left to pick up, but we can do it.
We have to, lest campus spiritual life return to what it was before. Nonexistent.
So come on, jump a little louder.
Come on, clap a little louder.
Quick Blog
Oh so long day today--
Work at 8AM. I met a senior named Bob; really neat guy. He kind of reminds me of a cross in between Mr. Binkley and Mr. Jarrard. So far, he's probably one of my favorite people from the Day Center. He's in yellow but spent the whole morning in Blue, just talking. Other than that, work sucked as usual. I got all riled up about the baby sitter opening I found in the trading post, but the position was filled when I called at lunch.
Goodbye Craig dinner today. Ultra depressing. It was funny with a million and two good laughs, but when it comes down to it, it was sad.
It's going to be hard to watch Craig walk out of the majority of our lives. It's going to be hard moving on when he barely left us a path to follow. It's going to be hard to pick up the old pieces and dead weight and put together a program, but I guess that's where faith is put to it's greatest test, because when it comes down to it we should be looking to God for direction, not Craig. He's prone to error, just like the rest of us. Craig was a good support along the way, but now we've gotta take off the training wheels and see if we can ride the bike. We just have to have faith in Daddy that he'll help us balance when we start to teeter.
Work at 8AM. I met a senior named Bob; really neat guy. He kind of reminds me of a cross in between Mr. Binkley and Mr. Jarrard. So far, he's probably one of my favorite people from the Day Center. He's in yellow but spent the whole morning in Blue, just talking. Other than that, work sucked as usual. I got all riled up about the baby sitter opening I found in the trading post, but the position was filled when I called at lunch.
Goodbye Craig dinner today. Ultra depressing. It was funny with a million and two good laughs, but when it comes down to it, it was sad.
It's going to be hard to watch Craig walk out of the majority of our lives. It's going to be hard moving on when he barely left us a path to follow. It's going to be hard to pick up the old pieces and dead weight and put together a program, but I guess that's where faith is put to it's greatest test, because when it comes down to it we should be looking to God for direction, not Craig. He's prone to error, just like the rest of us. Craig was a good support along the way, but now we've gotta take off the training wheels and see if we can ride the bike. We just have to have faith in Daddy that he'll help us balance when we start to teeter.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Drive Ins
Drive ins are officially the funnest things ever. I went with Nicole and the Australian girls today to see Public Enemy and The Hangover. Definitely worth it. Public Enemy was a bit iffy throughout most of the movie, but the ending was definitely worth it. I almost started crying. The Hangover was just funny throughout the entire movie. Good stuff.
So, I know I've been away from the blog for a while, I just haven't found anything blog-worthy. So much for the blog-a-day thing, eh? Then I had a little incident today--
I've just realized, this is one of my biggest pet peeves--people who don't follow through. Whether it be someone suddenly disappearing from your life, a flirt who just wants to mess around, or a parent who gives hollow threats--it's annoying. It hurts when someone you respect or even worse, a friend, suddenly decides to up and walk out of your life unexpectedly. Like I've said before, it feels as if he/she doesn't care enough to worry what will become of you in his/her absence. It hurts when a guy who has no intentions of dating you just decides to toy around for a bit too long, believing that there are no strings attached. Now I know flirting is not a contract, but flirting continuously over an extended period of time should be. --Would save me so much grief *sigh*-- And as for the parents, although that doesn't hurt, it sure is annoying. I would rather my parents punish me when they say they will than be softies. I think children are becoming more and more disrespectful due to parents not delivering when they say they will. I'm not exactly sure I would spank a child, but the punishment should fit the crime.
Ahh I think I'm done for the night. Oh but just to make a sad banana a bit happier--
A Biography on Andre Katkov
Andre was born on May 25, 198_(I think it's 9). He currently resides in Yucaipa, CA. His sexual orientation has yet to be confirmed as he has been seen several times in questionable situations with a young Caucasian male believed to be the Ginger--Tim Hergert. Andre likes the color brown, lychee yogurt, and chocolate ice cream. He also drives a blue car.
The End.
PS. He is the author and illustrator of the new founded comic--Kote and dislikes drawing with pencil.
The End, End.
So, I know I've been away from the blog for a while, I just haven't found anything blog-worthy. So much for the blog-a-day thing, eh? Then I had a little incident today--
I've just realized, this is one of my biggest pet peeves--people who don't follow through. Whether it be someone suddenly disappearing from your life, a flirt who just wants to mess around, or a parent who gives hollow threats--it's annoying. It hurts when someone you respect or even worse, a friend, suddenly decides to up and walk out of your life unexpectedly. Like I've said before, it feels as if he/she doesn't care enough to worry what will become of you in his/her absence. It hurts when a guy who has no intentions of dating you just decides to toy around for a bit too long, believing that there are no strings attached. Now I know flirting is not a contract, but flirting continuously over an extended period of time should be. --Would save me so much grief *sigh*-- And as for the parents, although that doesn't hurt, it sure is annoying. I would rather my parents punish me when they say they will than be softies. I think children are becoming more and more disrespectful due to parents not delivering when they say they will. I'm not exactly sure I would spank a child, but the punishment should fit the crime.
Ahh I think I'm done for the night. Oh but just to make a sad banana a bit happier--
A Biography on Andre Katkov
Andre was born on May 25, 198_(I think it's 9). He currently resides in Yucaipa, CA. His sexual orientation has yet to be confirmed as he has been seen several times in questionable situations with a young Caucasian male believed to be the Ginger--Tim Hergert. Andre likes the color brown, lychee yogurt, and chocolate ice cream. He also drives a blue car.
The End.
PS. He is the author and illustrator of the new founded comic--Kote and dislikes drawing with pencil.
The End, End.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
I'm Tired.
Tired of him falling in love with my best friend. Tired of revisiting where I have been. Tired of coming home again. (That was a total take from Lucky, just in case you're completely slow.)
I'm sick of being abused (not physically). I feel like certain people can do the same thing over and over and think that they can get away with it by merely apologizing. I can't take the emotional abuse, it's exhausting. I feel jaded. Like everyone has been taking and taking from me, yet they rarely chose to give back. I know I have more than I should ever ask for, but I just get so frustrated.
I kind of want solitude for once. I want to stay home for a week and not have my family around. If I feel lonely that's fine. I want the peaceful environment that comes with the loneliness. I can't really get that in my house. There's always someone who needs me to do something, or someone barging in, or someone just nagging me.
Random--I think I'm becoming a masochist. Just barely, but enough for me to notice it.
Oh well, now that the stress is all blogged out--This weekend was amazing.
Thursday--Got out late, we just got our stuff out and chilled. CHERRY STEM TYING WIN. That was so much fun. We all just snacked & tied until like 1:30AM. Oh & I met Lauren, Ali's sister. I LOVE HER. She's just chill with a sardonic touch. My type of person.
Friday--Wake boarding was okay. I got up but not very well. My equilibrium is just that terrible. It's so easy off the boom though! I got burnt a bit, not terribly though. Inner tubing was awesome. We all messed up our elbows though. OH and the jet skiis (stand up ones) were real entertaining. And the Sea Doo was alot of fun.
Saturday--Jet skiis and Sea Doo all morning, and then we went in for worship. Deep thinking. The boat malfunctioned, so we didn't go out. We almost sunk Mike's boat because we didn't put the cap on! There was like at least 5" of water in the boat.
Sunday--Knee boarding WIN. That was surprisingly entertaining. Wake boarding win-ish. That darn thing. I can't figure out what to do once I'm up. Haha.
Ahh. I wonder if this tired feeling is how God feels. I know he loves us unconditionally and so much beyond what we can express to others and merely understand, but after a while it seems as if you can't help growing tired. All we do is greedily take more and more. We hurt Him, promise not to do it again, yet fall anyway. It's hard to understand how His love can really be unfailing. I think I felt His love a bit more than usual this weekend. It's almost scary. How do you forgive someone who has caused you so much pain? Simone was telling us about this lady whose family was killed in Rwanda and she forgave the murderer and even let him live with her. How do you do that? How can you be filled with that much compassion and forgiveness? I guess it's just another reason to look forward to heaven.
I'm sick of being abused (not physically). I feel like certain people can do the same thing over and over and think that they can get away with it by merely apologizing. I can't take the emotional abuse, it's exhausting. I feel jaded. Like everyone has been taking and taking from me, yet they rarely chose to give back. I know I have more than I should ever ask for, but I just get so frustrated.
I kind of want solitude for once. I want to stay home for a week and not have my family around. If I feel lonely that's fine. I want the peaceful environment that comes with the loneliness. I can't really get that in my house. There's always someone who needs me to do something, or someone barging in, or someone just nagging me.
Random--I think I'm becoming a masochist. Just barely, but enough for me to notice it.
Oh well, now that the stress is all blogged out--This weekend was amazing.
Thursday--Got out late, we just got our stuff out and chilled. CHERRY STEM TYING WIN. That was so much fun. We all just snacked & tied until like 1:30AM. Oh & I met Lauren, Ali's sister. I LOVE HER. She's just chill with a sardonic touch. My type of person.
Friday--Wake boarding was okay. I got up but not very well. My equilibrium is just that terrible. It's so easy off the boom though! I got burnt a bit, not terribly though. Inner tubing was awesome. We all messed up our elbows though. OH and the jet skiis (stand up ones) were real entertaining. And the Sea Doo was alot of fun.
Saturday--Jet skiis and Sea Doo all morning, and then we went in for worship. Deep thinking. The boat malfunctioned, so we didn't go out. We almost sunk Mike's boat because we didn't put the cap on! There was like at least 5" of water in the boat.
Sunday--Knee boarding WIN. That was surprisingly entertaining. Wake boarding win-ish. That darn thing. I can't figure out what to do once I'm up. Haha.
Ahh. I wonder if this tired feeling is how God feels. I know he loves us unconditionally and so much beyond what we can express to others and merely understand, but after a while it seems as if you can't help growing tired. All we do is greedily take more and more. We hurt Him, promise not to do it again, yet fall anyway. It's hard to understand how His love can really be unfailing. I think I felt His love a bit more than usual this weekend. It's almost scary. How do you forgive someone who has caused you so much pain? Simone was telling us about this lady whose family was killed in Rwanda and she forgave the murderer and even let him live with her. How do you do that? How can you be filled with that much compassion and forgiveness? I guess it's just another reason to look forward to heaven.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Lucky.
Today was an odd day. I woke up SO LATE. I was supposed to meet a friend at Boba to say goodbye before I leave for my little weekend getaway and he goes to Anime Expo, and I was nearly two hours late because I over slept and had to wait for a ride. . . I fail. But oh well, it was really fun. After my mom and I went to my cousin's for lunch and she cooked some really good Romanian food as her husband, who is Romanian, is teaching her to cook his type of food. We left late so I got dragged to my mother's doctor appointment. It was an emergency appointment because she's been needing more blood pressure medication and her primary doctor didn't have an opening until August. Her doctor ended up to be pretty cute, but old. Haha. Leave it to me. Ahhh, me and my attraction to insanely old men. Oh well, it's funny. . . . most of the time.
So, I was looking for a deep topic to blog about and couldn't really think of anything, except for everything that I'm ungrateful for. I have a lot of people who love me. I live in an air conditioned home in California. I have two living parents. I have many technological commodities. I know a God. I can be alive without being sustained by a machine. That's so much more than very many people can even ask for, yet here I am whining about my life. I have nothing to complain about. I don't live in a third world country. I don't have to patch my roof with banana leaves. I can communicate with people at all times. I have the education to think and make my own decisions. That's another problem with being an SDA in Loma Linda. I feel like we really do live an a shielded little bubble. We don't see others' pain and struggles. I know we have so many unfortunate people right in San Bernardino, but it seems as if we merely turn them a blind eye and instead focus on the doctors and lawyers that have so much more than we do, materialistically at least. I'm lucky, and I need to remember that.
So, I was looking for a deep topic to blog about and couldn't really think of anything, except for everything that I'm ungrateful for. I have a lot of people who love me. I live in an air conditioned home in California. I have two living parents. I have many technological commodities. I know a God. I can be alive without being sustained by a machine. That's so much more than very many people can even ask for, yet here I am whining about my life. I have nothing to complain about. I don't live in a third world country. I don't have to patch my roof with banana leaves. I can communicate with people at all times. I have the education to think and make my own decisions. That's another problem with being an SDA in Loma Linda. I feel like we really do live an a shielded little bubble. We don't see others' pain and struggles. I know we have so many unfortunate people right in San Bernardino, but it seems as if we merely turn them a blind eye and instead focus on the doctors and lawyers that have so much more than we do, materialistically at least. I'm lucky, and I need to remember that.
I feel like I'm drifting.
and not in the cool car manner. I was thinking in the shower today, and I feel like my spiritual relationship with God is weakening. I don't think that it's because all of my problems are over either. I think it may have something to do with the big fight that I got in with my dad. I may have subconsciously been ignoring God because then I would feel guilty for being mad at my dad, yet I still feel as if I have a legitimate reason to be mad. At any rate, my prayer time is going down rapidly. . . I used to spend my shower praying for friends or thinking at least, singing Jesus songs, anything spiritual, but now it's hard to keep my mind from wandering. I know it's probably not the best time to have my daily devotional, but it's just what works best for me. I have a lot of trouble being alone at home and that's really the only time that I really have to myself. . .
On a less serious note, today was an interesting day. Work was exhausting. I got to work with some people from the Yellow Group (the more "normal" ones, if you will). I like them better. I'm not sure why, but I just get along with them better. I think I'll be working with them next time. But back to the Blue Group. I found a lady who reminds me a lot of my grandma. She has the same facial structure and speaks the same. The only obvious difference is Hannah has red hair (dyed of course) and is Hawaiian. I was really liking Hannah, until she snapped at me for trying to take her decoration to hang it up. . . oh well. I think she has Alzheimer's. Today was a bad day for the staff though. At the beginning of each month all the patients have to be weighed, and one of the patients collapsed and took a nurse down with him. The nurse is now on light work (I forgot the word. . .). Another of the patients seized today. I know it's bad, but I'm kind of sad that I missed it. I think it would have been cool to see a seizure in real life instead of on House for once. . .
After work I went to the hair stylist with Shun-yan. Turns out the lady who does my hair, Roxy, is on maternity leave! Trish, my old hair stylist, was busy all day so she suggested Lauren (haha, Big Blue!), and well. . . let's just say Shun-yan isn't very please. I feel terrible about that. . . We went to her house after and I met Helen. It's scary how alike they are.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to run for senior office. I may just go SA. . .I'm tired of working my butt off for my class and nobody noticing. I know I don't really have the right to complain, but I have to be honest--it's frustrating
to work so hard yet make nobody happy. It's hard to lose office positions to people who don't do anything as an officer until the end of the year. Oh well, that's high school for ya. But I think I'll try out SA second semester, and we'll see what happens from there . . .
I've decided. This is the summer to mend that certain friendship. If it doesn't happen now, it might never. He's willing to patch things up, and I'm going to make an effort to. I was the wrong one, and I still got the longer end of the stick. This is also the summer where I will try something new. Hopefully no one will get hurt, and if something does happen. . . well that's what happens when you play with fire. There may not be a literal warning label on the flint, but it's assumed.
There wasn't really a deep thought today. . . My first paragraph was supposed to be it, but I failed. Oh well, asta la vista.
I'm out until Sunday in Barstow with Nicole, the girlies, and the AUSTRALIANS. I'm very excited. ^-^ Watch me come back more burnt than a piece of toast. I'm going to try to keep journaling & post it when I return, but no promises.
Peace.
On a less serious note, today was an interesting day. Work was exhausting. I got to work with some people from the Yellow Group (the more "normal" ones, if you will). I like them better. I'm not sure why, but I just get along with them better. I think I'll be working with them next time. But back to the Blue Group. I found a lady who reminds me a lot of my grandma. She has the same facial structure and speaks the same. The only obvious difference is Hannah has red hair (dyed of course) and is Hawaiian. I was really liking Hannah, until she snapped at me for trying to take her decoration to hang it up. . . oh well. I think she has Alzheimer's. Today was a bad day for the staff though. At the beginning of each month all the patients have to be weighed, and one of the patients collapsed and took a nurse down with him. The nurse is now on light work (I forgot the word. . .). Another of the patients seized today. I know it's bad, but I'm kind of sad that I missed it. I think it would have been cool to see a seizure in real life instead of on House for once. . .
After work I went to the hair stylist with Shun-yan. Turns out the lady who does my hair, Roxy, is on maternity leave! Trish, my old hair stylist, was busy all day so she suggested Lauren (haha, Big Blue!), and well. . . let's just say Shun-yan isn't very please. I feel terrible about that. . . We went to her house after and I met Helen. It's scary how alike they are.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to run for senior office. I may just go SA. . .I'm tired of working my butt off for my class and nobody noticing. I know I don't really have the right to complain, but I have to be honest--it's frustrating
to work so hard yet make nobody happy. It's hard to lose office positions to people who don't do anything as an officer until the end of the year. Oh well, that's high school for ya. But I think I'll try out SA second semester, and we'll see what happens from there . . .
I've decided. This is the summer to mend that certain friendship. If it doesn't happen now, it might never. He's willing to patch things up, and I'm going to make an effort to. I was the wrong one, and I still got the longer end of the stick. This is also the summer where I will try something new. Hopefully no one will get hurt, and if something does happen. . . well that's what happens when you play with fire. There may not be a literal warning label on the flint, but it's assumed.
There wasn't really a deep thought today. . . My first paragraph was supposed to be it, but I failed. Oh well, asta la vista.
I'm out until Sunday in Barstow with Nicole, the girlies, and the AUSTRALIANS. I'm very excited. ^-^ Watch me come back more burnt than a piece of toast. I'm going to try to keep journaling & post it when I return, but no promises.
Peace.
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