oh no.

Oh Leng Zai, please don't do this to yourself. I've seen the path that you're beginning to follow, in fact I've walked down it myself. Please take my warning, it will only lead to more wounds. Please, please why won't you listen? I know I can help you, I've learned from my mistakes, why must you be so strong willed? This will not end up well. This path leads to your demise. The further you go the fewer trails you will cross that allow you to escape. Eventually it will be too late. Eventually not even I will be able to save you. Please listen while there is still time. Even if you escape in those last few moments by then you will be so damaged both you and I will wonder if your escape was really worth it. By then you will be so mangled, you will be in so much pain. . . if only you knew the agony awaits you, if you follow her down that path.

I know why you won't listen to me although I wish that it didn't, maybe then I wouldn't feel so guilty. I know you won't listen to me because I'm a biased opinion. I'm jealous that she has so many invisible strings attached to you, like a mere puppet when you are worth so much more. She can do so much to you. She can make you smile, she can make you frown, she can make you say the most hurtful words imaginable. . .all with the slightest movement of her fingers. I wish I had that power over you. I would make you happier than you can imagine as you stand there on that dark, dark path.

Despite all the good I know that I could do for you, I know that you won't listen to me. You must learn your lesson the hard way, just like I did. I can't save you, no matter how long I try. I'm fighting a war that was lost before I even stepped foot onto the battle field. It's time to give up. You're hurting me more than I'm helping you. I can't hold on any longer. This is your last chance, Leng Zai. You know that if you give me even the slightest glimmer of hope I will stay, but I don't think you will. You want me to let you go into her cold arms, well towards her cold arms at least. You know that they are already occupied by another man, and once she dismisses him it will be only a short while before another comes and fills his position. That brief period of time is no where near long enough for you to reach her castle. There are already so many on that road.

This is your choice. I'm so very sorry you've made this decision but I can interfere no more. I'm letting you go now. You know I will be here for you when she breaks your heart again, when she circumcises you and throws your foreskin in your face laughing all the while. You know I will always be here for you, but you must come back to me. I won't go searching for you again. I can't promise I will be here for you in the same way, I can't promise it will ever be the same, but I will still be here, Leng Zai.

I wish I could say that I hope you two will end up together, but honestly I don't. I'm selfish, you should know me by now. What I will say is that I hope you don't get too hurt, I hope you recover, I hope all of your wounds heal. I wish you the best.

I Love You, Leng Zai.





Now if you read this and began to wonder if it was about you, don't allow your mind to even begin to explore that possibility. How dare you think that you were important enough to have this affect on me? Don't make that mistake again. If you read this and began to wonder who this was written for, don't allow your mind to begin to explore that possibility. This is one of those things I wrote for myself. If that information was for you, I would have told you.
Goodnight. :)