football tournament

was so fun today. :D
I spent a lot of time with Priya, which we haven't done in a long time so it was quality time for us, however lame that sounds.
I know it sounds terrible, but I have to admit I like her better single because when she was with Charles she neglected her friends a LOT; but at the same time, she really misses him. . "/
Anyways, football tournament was really fun, although Lincoln (tuba player at band fest, 7ft tall) forgot me. ><; that was a downer. But it was really REALLY fun to see Gustavo again. :D I can't wait til Jr/Sr Bible Conference to get to see everyone again.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE NIGHT:
While watching the RAA vs. LAAA game, Priya and I were sitting on the side lines. Some random parent came & stood in front of us and I was like "Ah, booty!" and my ex-friend's boyfriend & his team mate turn around & look at me like I'm a super freak. ><; Priya & I just lawld it off.

wow

I would find a way to ruin my perfectly good day. = =

note to self:
1. you can't do everything.
2. remember your priorities. God->family->friends->school->social.
taking care of others is really important.
3. remember: it's in your nature to be a crappy friend. you neglect those closest to you.
you have to fight against that.
4. do your geometry homework before midnight.

Breakdown.

I hope this old train breaks down
Then I could take a walk around
And, see what there is to see
And time is just a melody.
-Breakdown, Jack Johnson.

I used to think that all I needed to solve my problems was time. Time to think things through, time to talk to people and get my priorities straight, time for drama to settle. Time fixes all things, doesn't it? I thought that if I simply had more time, I could change things, I could make them better.

When you're lost, you're supposed to find and hug the nearest tree. I forget which book it was, but it said during a storm you were supposed to tie yourself to the tree at the highest point of the island (it was another "oh no we're stranded on an island book").

I think that's what I need to do right now. I need to find a stronghold and brace myself for upcoming events. I have to hang on and not worry, these things will pass and slowly solve themselves. The situation is no longer part of my control. I need to trust God, to let Him solve it. To let life take it's course.

Stress is piling up right now. I don't know where it's all coming from. Suddenly my Chemistry text book is slapping me, suddenly I'm lost in a world of proofs during Geometry class. I don't know where it's coming from. Suddenly I don't know who my friends are anymore. . . Suddenly I don't know. . .


side note: awesome song, Fallin for You, Colbie Caillat.

LSU Band Fest part 1

Band Fest. . . band fest. . . band fest.
I don't even know where to start.

So first day we show up at rehearsal. I knew I would be third part (big downer) but I thought that I would at least be primary third. Wrong. Third part, second chair = failus maximus. I actually felt really bad about that for a while. . . Then I realized that the primary third sucks bouncy balls. She allegedly only practiced once out of Festival and if that's true then I have to give her props for catching onto hard runs quickly, but besides that. . . yeah. . . I honestly don't mean be pompous but I know that I and several other thirds were better than her. She has a really bad ear so she's usually sharp and doesn't understand the concept of dynamics or holding notes for their full length. I ended up talking to Sharla about it and she said it was probably just he needed a stronger player in the thirds. That made sense but I still wondered why I wasn't primary. . . then I figured out her father is not only the church organist but also the festival organist. . . FML.

Anyway, band fest overall has been really fun. Most of the music we're playing is fun and we're doing the harder things with LLA Symphonic so I don't have to worry about hard runs. . . just playing third sucks. I've actually learned a lot from this clinic. My ear has improved a lot, I learned more about perfect intonation (if two instruments are perfectly in tune you should hear a soft ringing of the same not about 5 octaves higher), and I learned some about intervals (minor thirds are also called the interval of youth because it's the first interval you learn, it sounds a lot like whining or teasing). There's a lot more that I've learned, but it's hard to recall it's forced.

I realized how much LLA is hated. Our director, Dr. Mahr, called both Sharla & I out on minor things while overlooking others. . . that was frustrating. New Berry was allegedly bashing on our school as well. "/ it's weird. I still prefer to be hated and go to LLA though because our band program. Some of these kids. . . they don't know what a lot of things are (ie. 1 Player, Solo).

The social side has been pretty fun. I dormed with Missy & we were suite partners with Rae Anne and Sharla. Some people from other schools can be kind of jerkish, but as a generalization the ones that I've talked to are really nice. Some guys from our school were being complete idiots though. Night #2 DB1& DB3 to hit DB2 in the nuts, and then DB2 decides to hit DB1 in the nuts harder, and finally, DB1 hits DB3 for a second time. Keep in mind that this is all in church after rehearsal. Brass boys at my school are poopoo heads.

We also met our Director's BFF. His name is Coffee I believe. Did sectionals with us. . . a pretty cool guy.

I also realized why college kids love coming home. Your own house, your own food, your own shower. It's nice.

Things have kind of been whack. One of my college friends at LSU totally awkwarded out & gave me a bit of a cold shoulder. Back here at home things have been crazy & weird. Boy on boy action + WB. . . crazy.

Peace. More to come later.

Why do I belive (more to come later)

So this year I finally get to take a real religion class. No more History of Religion stuff. It's legit thinking now. Well as legit as you get for high school students, at least. We were presented with the question "Why are you a Christian" and nobody really had an imediate answer to give.

This made me wonder. . . My first response was "because I need something to believe in". In my mind, I need relevance. I need to know that there's a point. I couldn't live life thinking that we live and die, there has to be more. I need hope. I need something to believe in.

That begs the question, "How do you know that there's something to believe in?" I know there's something to believe in because I've felt it's presence. Some say that this is merely a conjured fake feeling, but it can't be. You can't know what something feels like until you've felt it. You don't know what a kiss feels like until you've experienced it, you don't know what water feels like until you've been wet. I've felt some type of presence, some type of peace. It's impossible for me to have created this feeling, for me to have learned how to merely summon the right endorphins. There has to be some existent superior factor to have allowed me to feel this way.

This leads to yet another question, "How do you know that the Bible is true". This is another thing that you can't really be sure about. I believe it's true because it's existed and outlasted so much persecution. There are so many Christians that believe in the Bible, can you really dare say that they're all wrong? I know that's filled with gaps in logic, but it sort of makes sense, to me at least. This is by no means a band wagon thing, but really, so many people through such a long time period. . . they can't all be lunatics.

"How do you know Seventh Day Adventists are the correct denomination?" The truth is, I can't really be positive yet. I don't know what all the other denominations believe, but out of the denominations that I am familiar with, Seventh Day Adventism makes the most sense. It doesn't make sense to kill others in the name of religion. It doesn't make sense to literally eat Jesus' body every week. Now I realize that a lot of SDA 'rituals' don't make sense, but that's Christianity, not SDA belief. SDA's 28 Fundamental Beliefs on the other hand do make sense, and I agree with them, making me a Seventh Day Adventist.

I know my argument is fallacy filled, I'm no where near close to perfection on it, but it's a work in progress, and for now it makes sense to me.

It'll Bite You in the Ass Later

I do a lot of things that make me seem to just ask for trouble. For the most part I try to avoid confrontation at all costs, but that just seems to pent up problems & one day that dam of problems is bound to explode. I know I probably shouldn't be so afraid & be willing to take chances, but I can't bring myself to. I'm afraid that I'll lose friends, that I'll end up looking like a jerk. At the same time I'll talk smack without trying to resolve problems. I'll talk about people and my problems with them that I've never really tried to resolve. Things won't magically fix themselves & I know that but I don't have the courage to try to resolve my own problems myself.

I also rarely listen to people who have more experience and/or knowledge on the subject/life in general than me. Example: Mommy says don't be friends with her, she'll end up a slut & use you. I didn't listen, "you don't know her, she's not like that". . . guess what happened? My friend's a slut & constantly uses me, but I don't have the courage to take a stand for myself.

-Sigh- I seem to manage to do things that bite me in the ass. I don't take advice when I know that I should. I'm one of those "learn for myself by making my own mistakes" kind of people. . . yeah, that's a bad type of person to be. . .
I wonder if all people are like me.