I love crying.

However masochistic it may seem, I love crying. It's very hard to explain. There's a cathartic feeling that can only be achieved post-cry. Although if you cry too much you just end up with bulging red eyes, in limited amounts crying is very pleasurable. . . unless you're lying down. Then it just gets your hair all wet & annoying.

This crying blog isn't as random as it may seem. I'm having one of those moments when all I really want to do is sit down and cry, but nothing's triggering the tears. I think I'll download a sad chick flick so whenever I feel like crying I can just watch it. But anyways, back to how I'm feeling. It's just a empty feeling right now. It's nothing I really feel like explaining to people, just something I need to write out of my system.

It's partially that romantic frustration again. It's really bugging me how most of my closer friends are in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't wish them out of those relationships nor would I enter a random relationship just to feel included, it's just . . . well, bugging me. Normally, I'm the yippee-kay-aye, all-we-need-is-love kind of a person, but recently at the end of the day I've just been feeling. . . well, lonely. This is a very alien feeling to me. Before this year, I think the only time I really felt lonely was when I missed my friends. Now it's morphed into this wretched form of sickness that I feel I need rescue from. I honestly don't feel like I can help myself get out of this. I need someone to reach down, grab my hand, and help me get better. I don't know who that person will be. I don't know if it will be a friend or a significant other, it could really be anyone.

I know the answer to this problem should simply be "Get more Jesus in your life", but I don't feel as if that's the solution. I'm relatively happy with my spiritual life, yet I'm not feeling it in this aspect. Could it be that my spiritual relationship with God is being overshadowed by me focusing on this loneliness? I really don't know, and I hope that it isn't the case yet I don't see how I can change that if it is. Maybe it could, maybe it would, maybe I'm just being stubborn, but I really feel lost right now.

I can't really think of any other ways to explain or go into what I'm feeling at the moment.

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' cause I let you
Do what you do - down on me
--Cryin', Aerosmith.