Well, I was having a Good Day.

My day started out fantastically. I woke up a bit late, but oh well I had good reasons for staying up last night and it is summer after all. I took a good shower, practiced the good ol' clarinet and had several good conversations.

I'm a big on altruism. Some people claim that altruism is nonexistent because the do-gooders of this world merely perform their selfless acts to look good in the eyes of others. I feel that this is a big lie and therefore try to prove that wrong. Today at VBS we were stuffing felt turtles. Each child was to make two, one for themselves and one for a child at the Loma Linda Children's Hospital. Carleigh, a four year old in my group, openly decided that she wanted to donate the dark green turtle because it was fluffier. Four year olds don't know very much about inhibitions, especially Carleigh. I'm not saying that Carleigh's parents didn't train her well or that she's rude, it's just reality--a four year old doesn't have the same inhibitions as an older person. I've see Carleigh's behavior and know she wouldn't have had ulterior motives in this selfless decission. So that's my little speil on altruism for the day.

So due to the blog title, it's obvious that something had to have ruined my day. I had a chat with one of my previously really close friends about what made us break. I felt that this conversation was really unnecessary as it's too late and by gones should be left as by gones, but I felt I'd let him vent. Bad idea. Now it's midnight and I'm pissed off and blogging. So apparently now we can't have a healthy conversation and I don't want him in my life. I really don't feel like that, but apparently my actions prove differently. I know that I treat him differently, but I honestly don't do it on purpose, it's just that because of our history I can't really help it. Now I feel bad. I honestly don't want to stop being friend or push him out of my life, but I feel like I can't treat him like the rest of my friends, I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying to keep him happy, that's why he feels as if I treat him differently--because I try to make all of my friends happy. I'm tired because he used to be upset for attention. He claims to have changed, but I'm having a lot of trouble accepting that he could have changed so drastically. Now his little idiosyncrasies and the little things he does are annoying me more than ever. I find myself semi-subconsciously trying to irritate him by doing the same rude things he did to me. --BIG FREAKING BADONKADONK SIGH-- I dislike myself right now.