Fear.

So I found this really good blogger today, I was reading several of his entries and ran across this one:: http://romeosintuition.xanga.com/706896862/foolish-little-girl/. To summarize, it's about his friend who was a good Catholic girl until she turned 18. When she was 18 she found a guy. One of those jerks who's only goal in life is to lay as many virgins as possible. The girl had been raised amazingly, strict enough parents, oldest sibling, model family but when it came down to it--she still fell for bull.

That makes me think, that makes me wonder, that makes me scared, that makes me fearful. What if I end up like that? I tend to have a huge problem holding up what I say. I'm a hypocrite. Just like my parents, just like my teachers, just like everyone else in the world. We all do it, there is definitely something wrong with it but what can I say--we're human. What if this is one of those hypocritical things? Talk is cheap, talk is easy. Actions are oh-so expensive. To carry out something, to hold true to your word--it's one of the hardest things I've come across.

Now I know the obvious thing is--trust God and you'll be good, pray about it and somehow God will pull you through, but don't you think the Catholic girl prayed about it? I believe religious denomination is a small thing to God. He's not going to help me more than he did that girl because I'm SDA. This is also something that I don't believe God can fully take care of. I don't think He'll keep me from having to make the choice of whether or not to have premarital sex out of the question. I know He won't send a big flashing NO, NO, NO YOU IDIOT sign right when I'm tempted. I really don't know how He'll help me and even though I know He will, it's still a scary thought--especially from a girl's perspective.