I've got this feeling. . .

It's not appealing. At all. I'm not sure what's with me right now, and I can't begin to express how much that annoys me.

I kind of feel. . .bleh. Like I want to throw up my emotions. I want to become an emotional bulimic. Right now, that really sounds heavenly. Even if the process of throwing up those emotions is painful and disgusting, I still feel like having those emotions out of my body would be worth it.

I feel happy. . . like only the best of days can make me, yet my day hasn't been amazing.
I feel self conscious. . . yet don't feel like I have a reason to be, well I don't feel like that at the moment at least.
I feel like I want change. . . yet I'm not willing to change myself.
I feel like I want to grow up. . . yet I know this stage of my life is more than necessary.
I feel confused. . . yet in my head, things make more sense than they have in a while even though it'll be another jigsaw puzzle tomorrow.
I feel tired. . . yet I haven't done anything truly mentally laborious in a while.
I feel used. . . yet can't summon the strength to pull away.
I feel curious. . . yet know that the fire will burn me.

What do these emotions add up to? How can there be so many negatives in my head, and yet happiness is overcoming them all? That's called joy isn't it? But how can I really be joyful when I'm wondering about all of these negative things?

And now. . . I'm just more confused.